Because sometimes, showing up to a meeting was how I coped.
For those who know me well, I’m reserved on social media. I don’t like to expose myself, but I’m very open within my circle of family and friends. I thought this could be the right moment to share more widely. Maybe my story about working during treatment could help someone else.
I hope my story encourages you to listen to your body, take care of yourself, and find a sustainable rhythm between work and healing that works for you.
My name is Virginia, and I’m 45 years old. I live in Scotland with my husband and daughter, but I’m originally from Portugal, where my mother, sister, and rest of my family live. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with stage II hormone receptor-positive breast cancer with spread to the axillary and breast lymph nodes.
My symptoms didn’t seem to be typical. I had pain in my left breast but could not feel any lump. I was reassured several times that pain “usually isn’t something sinister.” Still, I went for a mammogram. That same day, they performed an ultrasound and then a needle biopsy. A nurse told me it was cancer. My husband picked me up, and I broke down crying in the car. I called my mum, who had her own breast cancer experience from 15 years ago, and she told my sister.
I was fortunate to have a very supportive environment. Though my husband wanted me to take time off, he was there for me 100%, and my mum came many times during treatment to help at home. I had many other visits from my sister, cousin, and in-laws. My friends were generous and thoughtful. They all made me feel supported in my decisions.
At the time, I was working from home, managing a learning and development team in the middle of a major project. With so much uncertainty and a week of waiting ahead, I thought maybe work would be a helpful distraction, something normal and engaging to hold onto.
As soon as I got my diagnosis, I told my manager. I wanted her to know right away why I might not seem like my normal self. I was lucky to have a very supportive and understanding manager, and my human resources team helped me understand the relevant policies. I live in the United Kingdom, and policies are very different from country to country as well as company to company.
Related: Learn more about telling your employers and coworkers in the United States.
Tip: Learn what you are entitled to, both through your employer and nationally. There may be resources you don’t know about. Look into nonprofits and local grants. Look at your insurance policies for coverage for critical illnesses like cancer. Talk to your nurse to understand all the steps in this very new journey. Your cancer center may also have nurse navigators, social workers and financial navigators who can guide you.
Click for more financial help and resources through LBBC.
When I realized that my chemotherapy sessions were going to last six months, I was overwhelmed. I read many stories from breast cancer organizations and support groups where people continued working, and these influenced me. If others can work during chemo, why would I be different?
But I also have an 8-year-old at home, and when I started my treatment, she began her summer holidays. Could I really tell my daughter that we wouldn’t be doing anything fun this summer because I was sick, but she would still see me working? That didn’t sit right with me.
So, I did the right thing for me and my family: I took sick leave for the first three cycles of chemo. However, I was just not good at keeping myself distant from work, and I kept in contact with my team to participate in a big project that was going on.
Don’t get me wrong, there was not much free time available. Just as I would start to recover from the effects of chemo, it was time for another cycle. I also spent many hours going to appointments: surgery consults, nurses, blood checks. My personal calendar started to look as busy as my work calendar.
Tip: Get yourself a good calendar — analog or digital, whatever works well for you. I wrote things down in my planner and also in my work calendar because my head was foggy with medication. This helped me keep track of everything.
When I completed chemotherapy and was getting ready for surgery, I put too much pressure on myself to return to work at that time. I wanted to feel that cancer would not stop anything in my life, and I could continue my career as I always had. I wanted to feel useful, both at home and work. And deep down, I worried that if I slowed down too much, my loved ones, especially my husband, would worry even more. They suffered because they didn’t always know how to provide support.
Looking back, I realize how much pressure I was putting on myself. I didn’t want to show weakness.
Tip: If you’re thinking about going back to work, ask yourself: Am I really ready? Because once you return, people tend to assume you are okay. I work from a home-office setting, so my colleagues only saw what I allowed them to see. But being present in a virtual meeting is not the same as being fully well.
"Once you return to work, people tend to assume you are okay. But being present in a virtual meeting is not the same as being fully well.”
Four weeks from my last chemotherapy cycle, I had a full mastectomy with breast reconstruction and lymph node clearance. I took the minimum recovery time of four weeks, and then I was back to work. I tried to create a structure that would allow rest and breaks to exercise. It worked on some days, and other days, it didn’t. My family reminded me to be kind to myself.
Later, I went through 15 sessions of radiotherapy, during which I did not take leave. Actually, radiotherapy was the easiest part for me. It was just frustrating to drive every day for three consecutive weeks to the hospital, but I was “lucky” that it coincided with the Christmas holidays when both work and traffic were quiet.
To be honest, I have mixed feelings about working versus taking a longer leave. Work helped me stay engaged mentally, and that was a relief. But sometimes, it was too stressful. Perhaps I should have worked fewer hours.
If you want to work, consider adjusting your role and responsibilities. Also, if you need to work for financial reasons, look into grants, disability insurance or government programs. (In the United Kingdom, there is help).
Dealing with the side effects, home life, and nonstop medical appointments is overwhelming. Adjust work accordingly. Don’t let yourself feel guilty just because someone else worked through their cancer treatment. Each person’s case is unique and cannot be compared.
Tip: Accept the support that people offer to you. Look into local in-person or online support groups, as they can help you feel less alone.
Reach out to Living Beyond Breast Cancer’s Helpline to be connected to a trained volunteer.
It has been two years since my diagnosis, and the scars are here. I keep so busy with home, work, medical appointments and treatments that I’ve forgotten many details of this journey. If you want to be able to write your story two years after the storm, take notes or keep a journal. My friends made fun of my “cancer folder,” but this is how I managed to write to you today.
Quick tips from my journey
— Understand your national, local and company leave and disability policies.
— Keep a treatment and appointment calendar.
— Don’t compare your experience to others’ journeys.
— Adjust work if possible, and don’t feel guilty if you can’t.
— Keep a journal or create a folder to track your experience.
DISCLAIMER:
The views and opinions of our bloggers represent the views and opinions of the bloggers alone and not those of Living Beyond Breast Cancer. Also understand that Living Beyond Breast Cancer does not medically review any information or content contained on, or distributed through, its blog and therefore does not endorse the accuracy or reliability of any such information or content. Through our blog, we merely seek to give individuals creative freedom to tell their stories. It is not a substitute for professional counseling or medical advice.
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Living Beyond Breast Cancer is a national nonprofit organization that seeks to create a world that understands there is more than one way to have breast cancer. To fulfill its mission of providing trusted information and a community of support to those impacted by the disease, Living Beyond Breast Cancer offers on-demand emotional, practical, and evidence-based content. For over 30 years, the organization has remained committed to creating a culture of acceptance — where sharing the diversity of the lived experience of breast cancer fosters self-advocacy and hope. For more information, learn more about our programs and services.
