If you’ve just learned that you have metastatic breast cancer, it can be very upsetting to imagine how you’ll tell your family. It’s completely OK to stop, breathe, and take the time you need before sharing the news. Who you tell and when you tell them is your decision.
When you’re ready to talk with your family, it’s very possible that they may have intense emotional reactions. Since that can increase any stressful feelings you may already have, it can help to choose one close and trusted person to tell first who can be there with you as a support when you share with other family members. Once the people close to you begin to understand and digest what’s happening, together you can start to talk openly about ways they can offer support — whether it’s giving emotional support or helping with day-to-day needs.
On this page, we offer guidance on ways to tell partners, children, and parents about your diagnosis. How you share the news will be different depending on the family member.
When you tell your partner or spouse about your diagnosis, they may understandably be shocked, overwhelmed, or scared about what life will be like now. This is a significant change for your life and theirs, and each of you needs time to adjust in whatever way works for you. Here are some common partner concerns, and ways to talk about them together:
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Deb shares her journey of navigating bipolar disorder and metastatic breast cancer in this episode. She also discusses the challenges of communicating with her Latinx family of origin and finding true love after stage IV. Learn about her experiences in this Can and Did podcast episode.
For many parents, it’s a first instinct to try to protect children from news about a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. One of the hardest parts of telling children about a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis is that it is not curable, and that treatment is ongoing. But it’s important to be as honest as possible.
Christina Wise, MA, GC-C, children and teen program coordinator for Cancer Support Community Greater Philadelphia, says, “I always encourage honesty because most of the time kids can sense that something is going on. Kids might notice that there is whispering, or that a parent goes to the other room to talk when the phone rings.”
Experts say that there is no right or wrong way to talk to children about a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, although there are tips to guide the conversation:
If your child is old enough to use the Internet, suggest looking at trusted websites together if they want to understand more about your diagnosis. If you decide to read about breast cancer online with your child, one thing to keep in mind is that looking at survival statistics can sometimes be both upsetting and confusing, because the numbers are based on large groups of people and don’t reflect the experiences of any one individual.
How you talk to your children about your diagnosis also depends on their age.
When sharing the news with children under age 10, keep things as simple as you can:
When talking with older children and teens, it’s OK to share more specific information about your diagnosis:
Amanda was diagnosed with a metastatic breast cancer recurrence in 2018. She and her husband had to find ways to help their young children adjust to her diagnosis and feel comfortable asking questions.
Telling a parent that you’ve been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer can bring up many extreme emotions for all of you. Still, it’s important to be honest and let them know.
Here are some ways to have the conversation:
The video on this page was supported by the Grant or Cooperative Agreement Number 1 NU58DP006672, funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Its contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official views of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or the Department of Health and Human Services.
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