What helped me cope
Looking back, I don’t know exactly how I got through each day, but I did. Some of it is a blur. Some of it was done with intention, with support, and with knowing that I had to take care of and protect myself, too.
If you are going through extreme stress while also trying to heal, I hope some of the things that helped me may help you, too.
Reach for support.
My social worker from the hospital was my lifeline. I think I went through a box of tissues with each call. She listened and reminded me that I would get through this. When she wasn’t available, it was my family doctor who listened over the phone and told me I was not alone. And then there were family and friends I could text for love and support.
Claim quiet moments when you can.
We had three dogs, and one was a puppy just a few months old. He loved getting up at about 4:30 or 5 a.m. It was a good excuse for me to get up. I’d let the dogs out, put them in the sunroom, and sit in the living room. Sometimes I worked, sometimes I slept, and sometimes I just sat there playing mindless games on my phone. But it gave me an hour or two to myself — peace and quiet.
Let rest be enough.
I was thankful for a television in the bedroom. Settling the house down by 8 p.m. was my dream. If I could talk my husband into watching the hockey game in bed, that was perfect because I wouldn’t have to get up until morning. Of course, I’d be asleep within the hour.
Break work into short sprints.
Because both of my jobs were work-from-home, I could work in short bursts. My husband didn’t like to be left alone much, even if I was in the house. So I’d set short work periods: an hour for a meeting, 30 minutes for a task, and then I’d check on him or watch a bit of TV with him before going to the next task. I was open with everyone at work about what was going on and truly felt their support.
Use breath to settle.
There was no energy or time for exercise. So I’d lie in bed and just breathe or visualize a beautiful setting that would bring me calm. Or, as I sat with him, I’d stare out the window and just breathe.
Let some things go.
My house was not clean. I kept it tidy and cleaned here and there as I could. But I decided it did not need to be perfect. I just let it go. There would be time for that later.
Fuel your body simply.
It’s hard to make meals for yourself when your spouse can’t eat. Soups, yogurt, and eggs were easy stuff — some of which my husband could also handle. When I could get a few extra minutes, I batch-cooked vegetables.
Talk with your doctor about medication support.
I was already on a low dose of an antidepressant for hot flashes, so I increased the dose a little, as prescribed by my doctor. I didn’t want to be knocked out, but I knew I needed additional support. This slight increase helped me focus better.
Find a safe way to release emotion.
My social worker told me this one: When you’ve had enough and you can’t take anymore, get in your car and scream. Just let it all out of your system.
I remember the smoke detector going off in the laundry room because it got too steamy. I couldn’t reach to turn it off, so I screamed! My husband thought I lost my mind — and maybe I did — but it felt good.
Give yourself love and forgiveness.
Give yourself the love you need. Praise yourself daily for what you are able to do and know that tomorrow is a new day for new blessings.
